It has been a hard several weeks. Feeling lonely and far apart. Confronted with my own selfishness. Seeing how much my own sin affects someone else. And somehow being taught more things that I could have if life were easy. Understanding the difference between distance and apart. Establishing priorities. Taking time.
I think it's interesting to see how God uses the hard things in life to shape us the most. I look back, ponder, reflect...and find it true in every circumstance. My times of growth are inextricably linked to some pretty rough patches...but ones that I would never give up. And somehow there are seasons that are more filled with those patches than others. I don't like to say it, but this has not been a year characterized by great spiritual growth. I really have been in Seattle for a year now, and it's been great. But it's been hard. Hard in the sense of changing so much that characterized my life. Trying to figure out who I am and how I fit into the flow of life now. Mostly, learning how to spend time with me, come to God on my own, and process my heart. Missing the people who knew all the right questions to ask. Being patient with the people who are figuring it out. Learning to ask them myself.
September 10, 2009
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