Powerful Prayer!

I think if you asked a sample of people, many would say that they pray. I would venture to say that not all of those people really know who they are praying too, though many do. A lot of people pray. But then there are the people you meet who do not just pray, they PRAY. There is a difference. It is a moving thing to be in the company of someone who really PRAYS, when it goes beyond words that are said to a conversation that is being had. When there is expectation at the heart of the prayer! We serve a God who answers prayer, and not only that, but He is mighty to save! Is the arm of our God too short to save? Never! I have found myself in the company of such people many times through the last few years, like our Thursday prayer mornings. I have missed that time! This last week I was privileged to join a small but passionate group of believers in prayer, and my heart was excited to connect once again with people who PRAY! I feel a part of me come alive, emboldened to really pray. I leave refreshed, excited, looking forward to what God will do! And yet a part of me is bothered. Why, when I am in the company of others who really PRAY, do I find myself refreshed in spirit and joining in with a full heart, and yet when it is just me and God, I struggle? Where is the fervency when I am alone, in my room, on the bus, in my spitirual "closets"? I am entering the throne room of God! I want my heart to quicken at the anticipation! And yet I find that I lack the fervency, vitality, life, in prayer which I long for. James 5:16- "The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." Not that we have any righteousness of our own, but we have been clothed with the righteousness of Christ! Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence! Think of what He can do, and how He delights to hear the prayers of His redeemed people. Think of your place and privilege in Christ, and expect great things!

Emotinally Exhausting

This was one of those days in life that leaves at its end the feeling of having spent yourself for others. It is emotionally exhausting, hard to always be the strong one, hard also to divide your time between four or five people who are all in varying stages of physical, emotional, mental, spiritual distress. I stood holding a woman at least twenty years older than myself as she cried, vented, processed. For day after exhausting day she kept being told she needed to be strong, because being weak was just being selfish. I was finally the one who told her it was okay to cry, giving her permission in a sense to finally let down this barricade of emotion that no one else had dared to breach. But it was that opening that let us talk a little about Jesus. On to another patient who only breaching the beginning of a life-defeating battle with a terrifying disease, one that leaves his mind sharp as a tack while completely deteriorating the rest of his body. It's as if he is becoming trapped within a shell, and as he struggles for a breath through a closing airway he writes to me, his only way of communicating, that this scares him more every day. Scares him that one of these times that breath will never come. It is devastating to see how this disease has so suddenly wretched their family from the life they knew, and leaves me feeling helpless to comfort. A third pleasantly confused elderly woman seems to be the balance, until seemingly out of nowhere she becomes psychotic, hallucinating, paranoid, afraid I am plotting with the man she thinks she sees outside her window and coming to kill her. All trust is lost, she doesn't know who anyone is, she hits, she yells, she screams. Emotionally exhausting.

God of this city

It is an amazing thing to see God move and begin to burden hearts for an entire city, for a people. I have been overwhelmed at times by the city skyline, realizing the vastness of the darkness, the hopelessness. One of my favorite places to run begins by the water just overlooking the mountains, but then about two miles in the trail turns to reveal a breathtaking view of Seattle. That point has become my favorite place to climb down onto the rocks close to the water and just spend time praying for the city, for it's people. Our God is a God who pursues individual hearts, and but also cities and even entire nations! This song so often comes to mind, such a powerful reminder of God's faithful pursuit, of his power, of his heart for cities.

You’re the God of this city,
You’re the King of these people
You’re the Lord of this nation, You are

You’re the Light in this darkness,
You’re the Hope to the hopeless
You’re the Peace to the restless, You are

There is no one like our God,
there is no one like our God

For greater things have yet to come,
And greater things are still to be done
In this city

Greater things have yet to come,
And greater things are still to be done here

Youʼre the Lord of creation
The Creator of all things
Youʼre the King above all Kings, You are

Youʼre the strength in our weakness
Youʼre the love to the broken
Youʼre the joy in the sadness, You are

There is no one like our God,
there is no one like our God

May Your work begin with me
fill my heart and move my feet
Your kingdom come

May Your work begin with me
fill my heart and move my feet
Your will be done

When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!

My heart was burdened talking with a dear friend, a long and tearful talk about life. It's so hard to see her hurts and wounds from the past brought back up. My heart hurts to see her struggling through her relationship with her dad and never hearing him tell her she was beautiful. To see her strive over works to gain approval, wrestling through depression, not able to live in the freedom as a child of God because she cannot believe those things about herself. We don't need approval from anyone- we already have it in Jesus! As the Derek Webb song, "And don't you ever let anyone tell you that there's anything that you need, but Me."

Savior, In Thy Love Abiding

Savior, in Thy love abiding,
keep me in Thy tender care;
Through Thy Spirit's gentle guiding,
save me from each tempting snare.

Speak Thy words of inspiration
when I fail to see Thy will;
Grant in grace Thy consolation,
faith and hope and love instill.

On the unknown path before me,
guide me with Thy mighty hand;
Should I faint and fall, restore me;
through all perils help me stand.

Cast Thy comfort all around me;
draw me closer to Thy heart;
When Thy peace and joy surround me,
pain and sorrows all depart.

Unto Thee my will is yielded,
mold it to conform to Thine.
By Thy grace and mercy shielded,
help me life a life divine.

Selma Langerstrom, 1855

Caring for the Heart

Nursing has a way of interfacing with people's lives that excites me. Many of my patients are not only physically worn down, but emotionally and spiritually worn down as well. It honestly surprises me how much people will open up to a complete stranger, but as their nurse I become a safe person to talk to. Some days this isn't much. I hear a lot of stories about grandkids, life achievements, past hospital stays and the wonderful or horrible experiences they were. But some days the conversations go deeper. I am thrilled when I have the chance to pray for someone right before sending them off to an operation or risky procedure. I am completely overwhelmed and grasping for words when I am the only one left in the room as the physician walks out having just told my patient he has cancer or heart failure.

I am a cardiac nurse. Because of that, I focus a lot of my attention on my patient's physical heart. I care about their cardiac output, because that gives insight into how effective their heart is in taking care of the body. I listen to their heart, listening to each distinct beat, making sure I don't hear something that could indicate signs of damage. I ask them questions- have they had any chest pain? I listen and I observe.

But in addition to the physical, I want to be a nurse who focuses my attention on their spiritual heart as well. I pay attention to their 'output' because it indicates the condition of their heart, for "out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks." I listen to their heart, as they open up and share their fears or regrets, their past or future hopes, listening for signs of a heart that has been damaged by hurt, abandonment, a life of running from God. If they open up, I ask them questions. Can I hear the pain coming from their heart? I listen and observe. I share.

There are thousands of nurses out there who have no hope to offer. But for those of us who do, what an opportunity. May we be bold!

Weeping for Broken Hearts

Several years ago I spent a lot of time with two young girls, at the time 5 and 6, whose mother had left their family. Left in fear of her husband, fear of what he would do, giving up on being albe to see her girls to be where he couldn't find yer. And yet all they were left to believe is that their mother didn't want them anymore. They craved female attention and were thrown into my life as my heart was reeling to come up with answers for them when they asked why they had no mom and why I couldn't be their mom. One woman had walked out on their life and even at that young age, it left them insecure and terribly afraid of it happening again. Another woman entered their life the next year and for awhile everything was good again. My time with them faded as they had a step mother to fill that role and as life transitioned. But a few years later I got a call that the girls were asking about me again. Once again their security was ripped apart as another woman left their family. Left after being falsely accused of abusing the girls as she began to discover their sexual abuse by their father. But all they were told is that she didn't want them anymore either. By God's grace I was saved from becoming yet another victim, but not saved the agony of being another woman who left. I am devastated. Heart broken for these girls, angry that their dad through his sin put me in a position where I am another woman who is walking out of their life because it is not safe for me to contact him. I am one more reason why they will grow up not being able to trust anyone, and I feel powerless, like my hands are tied. I can do nothing but pray for them, weep for them. Weep for the countless girls who have been hurt so deep, and long for the day when their hearts can be healed by the unconditional love of a good and perfect Father.

Obedience

Obedience. I have been wrestling over this today- what does it look like to live a life of obedience? It is uncompromising, no matter where I am at in life. Jesus calls us to love, not only our friends and brothers, but our neighbors, the unlovely, the poor, those who can't repay anything. What does that look like in my life? How do I put that into the practice of obedience? What does it look like to have all this knowledge in my head actually translated to my heart and expressed through the way I live? It's so easy to say I am pursuing Christ, but does my life reflect that pursuit? I am such a visionary- I want a cause to grab onto and fight for. I want to see where I am going so I can make meaning out of what I am doing now. Not that a lack of vision gives any cause for a lack of obedience; I just want to know the will of God and live accordingly. "By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later recieve as an inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going." Hebrews 11:8. God gave him a calling and a promise, and he believe and obeyed, trusting God to provide. Am I willing to do this? To obey God and follow even though I don't know where I am going? It sometimes seems like something I don't have a choice in, and yet obedience is always a choice. I have been reminded of this little section in Hinds Feet on High Places, where the Shepherd is speaking to Much-Afraid..."Whenever you are willing to obey me and to follow the path of my choice, you will always be able to hear and recognize my voice, and when you hear it, you must always obey. Remember also that it is always safe to obey my voice, even if it seems to call you to paths which look impossible or even crazy." The first step to obedience is hearing and recognizing His voice- hearing the calling in order to obey. I feel I am at a crossroads of determining what that calling is...is it stretching me to obey and serve in a particulary ministry, or simply to open my eyes to the hurting people who are right around me? Pray I would listen for His voice.

Liberality of Love

"How shall I feel at the judgement, if multitudes of missed opportunities pass before me in full review, and all my excuses prove to be disguises of my cowardice and pride?" -Dr. W.E. Sangster, from Why Revival Tarries.

This is a sobering and convicting thought for me to dwell on, only because of the truth that it pierces me with! How often is this me, hiding behind justifications in my own mind, not living in the pure freedom and God-given passion that comes from being completely abandoned to Jesus? I don't want to look back to see if I'm making the right impression or pleasing the right people. Am I pleasing God? Am I going at the call of God and never stopping? Jesus, open my eyes to the hurting people around me and enable me to love them!

"Their deep poverty overflowed in the wealth of their liberality." 2 Corinthians 8:2.

O God, that I would be like that! Though I am impoverished in my ability to love, let me live my life in the liberality that overflows in the wealth of Your love.

All Thy Mercies

Thy mercy, My God, is the theme of my song
The joy of my heart, and boast of my tongue
Thy free grace alone, from the first to the last,
Hath won my affections and bound my soul fast.

O that my life would be abandoned to the cause of this mercy!